Sunday, October 7, 2012

Weak Moments

I have had my failings and victories as a mother. I have questioned myself again and again about decisions I've made, how much therapy my kids are going to need, and whether going a whole day without a single fruit or vegetable will scar them for life. I've worried that I've taught them to be too assertive or too weak. I've wondered if my advice was wrong. I've fretted about how much or how little they sleep, if all they'll remember about their childhood is a messy house, and sometimes I truly marvel at how they're turning out so great despite all of my shortcomings.

This is motherhood.

I have to admit, having a third child has knocked me down a peg or two. I thought by baby three I would have this thing down, have that kid sleeping all night in two weeks, no nursing issues, very little crying. I thought I'd be back on my feet in no time and show everyone how it's done. That hasn't exactly been the case.

I'm tired. She still doesn't sleep that great. She cries quite a lot. And, all the regular newborn madness is multiplied because of two other children each needing just as much in their own ways. I've had my fair share of "Calgon, take me away" moments in the past five months. (If you're too young to remember that, Google it.) I've felt weak, overwhelmed, and downright exhausted at times.

But, then I remember something: In our weakness, He is made strong. Isn't that an amazing thought? The truth is, when I have to depend on Christ (and when I HAVE to is the only time I really will), it brings Him the most glory. Thinking about that has helped me through a few hairy days. When I'm right in the middle of a house that is exploding with toys, blankets, books, clothes, a kid needing help with homework, a kid wanting dinner, a baby wanting to be held, and a husband who just wishes he had some clean underwear, I can take comfort in the fact that I am bringing my Savior glory. Even if I'm still in my pjs.

God is so good to design this life where my naturally weak state is just where He wants me for His glory and my sanctification, and eventually my kids do all get fed and put to bed. Glory to God.

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